25 things I learned in 2017

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  1. Winter is for scheming.
  2. Lots of friends does not mean happiness.
  3. Everybody needs some time to shake themselves up a bit.
  4. No amount time living in the UK will naturalise me to the licking of a finger to turn a paper or The Washing Up Bowl.
  5. You don’t have to be in the left to be on the left.
  6. The opposite of left-wing is selfish
  7. I don’t believe for one second that all these people have all these allergies and syndromes. What’s really going on?
  8. What’s really going on is a cry for help.
  9. Cycling between vacuous, hysterical hedonism and pitiful illness is not my idea of the good life. Witnessing loved ones descend into this, is also not my idea of the good life.
  10. We’ve lost the yearn to learn in all the over stimulation.
  11. Good conversation is euphoric. It builds and builds.
  12. Will millennials please stop apologising for not whatsapping me back instantly. Your anxiety is making me anxious. Thank you.
  13. Whatsapp voice messages allow me to think, process and luxuriate.
  14. People have become fearful of phone calls.
  15. London hasn’t seen such an epidemic of human behavioural change since the 18th century gin craze. This time it’s smart phones. Look what they’ve done to us.
  16. Sleep is not the only reset button you can press on a day.
  17. Nothing says collective crisis like adults, en masse throwing tantrums about how their needs have not been catered for. The final lurch for agency as the ship sinks.
  18. The frequency upon which conversations around literature are tuned today are more pleasure-inducing than that of politics. Politics needs a retune. Badly.
  19. No one made non-wired cotton bras like BHS. Damn you Philip Green.
  20. My gym installed 3 metre high turnstiles reminiscent of maximum security prisons and Israeli check points. They don’t work properly. They are a cause of much frustration and delay. Ladies and Gentlemen, people of London: We have reached peak #BoringDystopia
  21. Mark Fisher lives in me. I’ve developed a sort of lymphatic system made up of his words and ideas.
  22. If I ruled the world, the first thing I’d abolish are the conditions which compel people to consume hot drinks while walking.
  23. Capitalism, appropriates everything. Looking disenfranchised and destitute is now fashionable. Who would otherwise leave their house on a rainy day in furry slippers except the mentally unwell?
  24. In the future, waking and reaching over for your phone while in bed, will be viewed with the same judgement as if reaching for a cigarette.
  25. There is more to me than this. This person I reproduce every day is not the sum of me.

 

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