25 things I learned in 2016


  1. What women mean when they ask “so is it serious or are you just having fun?”
  2. I have deep class guilt. I thought I was immune to this as a brown-ish person. I’m not.
  3. Physical spaces and long standing relationships make me feel rooted.
  4. I am a person who needs to take their time. And luxuriate on everything.
  5. I get flustered and upset when people project home-counties, middle-class white-British caricatures upon me when I’m open about not being poor.
  6. What “we all carry sadness around with us” means.
  7. What “don’t be so hard on yourself” means.
  8. People don’t need to understand who I am or where I’m from to be my friend and like me. What a relief.
  9. I’m a writer.
  10. What the novel is that I’m writing.
  11. After good warm sex, I behave in ways that only David Attenborough can explain. That’s some deep seated evolutionary shit man.
  12. I need to dance. Regularly.
  13. I need mentors. Elders. Those with knowledge and experience and the will to teach. I want to sit, chin on your knee, listen and absorb.
  14. I need a lot of warm hugs to survive being single.
  15. I need to laugh and be around people who laugh.
  16. My own company can be euphoric.
  17. I love and need ritual. Daily, weekly, monthly. By myself and with others.
  18. That despite 15 years apart, myself and an old friend can pick up where we left off in 2001 or 1995, or 1987. I have a spiritual twin.
  19. I fucking love Christmas.
  20. I love the visceral: food, taste, smell, body warmth, fresh air and a damn good shit. I love the political/philosophical. Everything in between is bureaucracy and should be abolished.
  21. Autumn is my favourite time of year. Hands down.
  22. Horizons heal me.
  23. The sky can make me weep.
  24. I need community. I latch onto people who know things and people in places. A friend and a pub have given me something really special this last year.
  25. That I will survive. The loss, the abandonment and the sorrow. And come out shining.